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Parenting Secrets Revealed
By Karen Montgomery, Fri Dec 9th
What educators, instructors, and coaches don’t want you to knowabout the pressures facing youngsters in performance activities.Learn the truth revealing the turmoil families may encounterwhen kids are “pushed to perform” in competitive endeavors. So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic club?You conclude that this is going to be great fun! Maybe, you eventhink this is just the ticket your bouncy little girl needs toget rid of her pent-up energy while meeting other littlefriends. Initially, all seems well as you proudly watch yourSusie happily striving to achieve equilibrium success. However,as the first competitive trial draws near, Susie is apprehensiveand fearful. She doesn’t appear quite as secure as she didduring the training classes. Why not? You’re thrilled! Your ten year old son Randy wants to play onthe little league baseball team. You think this is perfect. Hecan learn the importance of being a team member while gainingsome confidence participating in a sport that he enjoys. Hisfather is delighted to see that his son is taking after the oldblock. Dad begins the push for his son’s success by providingdaily pointers of the game. In the beginning, everything seemsdandy until Randy starts to behave aggressively forunexplainable reasons. How come?
The school exams are only two months away. Your sixteen year oldhas been listening to you preach the virtues of being number onesince school began countless years ago. I mean, after all,getting into the top-ranked university is important stuff. Yourfamily’s reputation is at stake. Andrew is fully aware that hehas to measure up in the Harvard family tree. The school yearappears to go smoothly until Andy slumps into an apparent stateof exhaustion. He barricades himself in a locked bedroom,refusing to get up to go to school or speak to anyone. Whathappened? You’ve always love attending the ballet. You think it would befabulous if your youngster took an interest in your passion. Asa well-intentioned parent, you encourage your Sarah to take afew dance classes as a way of introducing her to classicalrepertoire. Over the course of time her interest grows and sheappears to blossom under the guidance of the tutor’sinstructions. This pleases you immensely which makes yourbudding ballerina work even harder for acquiring your continuedpraise. Within two years, however, you notice your daughter’salways argumentative and bites your head off when you questionwhy. What did you do to deserve this? It’s really quite simple but nobody wants to talk about thiscontroversial subject. These youngsters are having a difficulttime coping with the pressures they sustain from performanceactivities. How did this happen? Unfortunately, too few parents recognize the dangers lurking inthe wings for our children. I didn’t. We readily accept theinsulting, reprimanding remarks by a teacher, the oftenfoul-mouthed, screaming outbursts by a coach, and the demeaning,belittling comments made by instructors. Admittedly, we want tosee our kids succeed in life, but at what cost? All too often,parents’ disregard the consequences of their well-meaningactions and many youngsters pay dearly to achieve ourexpectations. We fail to recognize that youngsters are notequipped emotionally or psychologically to contend with thedaily bombardment of negative comments to their impressionablepsyches. They are still too immature and therefore;ineffectively deal with the constant assault on theirsuggestible minds. They lack the ability to define whatconstitutes a winner or a loser. Their interpretation of thisattainment is solely a reflection of their parents, educators,and instructors alike. Their vulnerability even extends to themedia that dictates what is attractive, fashionable, andacceptable in our success driven society. Sad, but true. As well-intentioned parents we want the best for our children.We conscientiously attempt to provide them with a variety ofavenues to explore, academically, athletically, and in the arts.Many parents believe that competitive endeavors build character,focus, and determination. For others, performance activities mayprovide a vehicle for talented children to discover theirself-worth in society. Additionally, some parents viewperformance activities as a venue for a potential career, i.e.,hockey, acting, basketball, swimming, dancing, gymnastics, etc.However; if truth be known, many unwitting parents inadvertentlyset these kids off on a path of stress, insecurity, and lowself-esteem, particularly when youngsters enter turbulentadolescence. Even though chaotic adolescence can play havoc in a family’slife, it is not the sole culprit. The “pressures to perform” canplay an equally significant role during this volatile period,affectionately referred to as “the insanity of adolescence”. Itcan account for initiating some real life issues such asbulimia, anorexia, depression, rage, drugs, cutting,
Recruiting
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d6/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1733252059_08-15-08---Recruiting-Thumb.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>The Big Ten football coaches want you! (08/15/08, Big Ten Football)
Hamm Brothers Talk Competition
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d6/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1670012760_07-15-08-Hamms-Oly-Th.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Paul and Morgan Hamm talk about their goals of winning a medal at the Beijing Olympics and the memories formed in the competition. (Big Ten Gymnastics, 07/2008)
Big Ten Gymnastics Championships - Men's Individual Results
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1490306747_26ee160814f429a14734ca413f00bc58c111e3f7.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>The Big Ten crowned it's individual champions in men's gymnastics on Friday night. (Big Ten Gymnastics)
Big Ten Gymanstics Championships - Men's Team Results
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1490148577_286a690e730b40cb4126e700628f04f3b5dddb4f.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Penn State takes advantage of the home crowd and walks away with the 2008 Big Ten Men's Gymnastics Championship.
Georgia at Michigan - Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1450935258_0455c7634cdeec110807ce9d159ab2ae9d3b3aa5.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>No. 4 Michigan knocked off the three-time defending national champion and current No. 1 Georgia on Friday with a season-high 197.600-196.950 victory in front of the seventh-biggest crowd at Crisler Arena. (Michigan Gymnastics)
Minnesota at Michigan - Women's Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1423475404_cf60abc851f9fabe9f4d9c73e990230366eda6eb.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>The No. 5 Michigan women's gymnastics team put up a season-best score of 196.875 to knock off Minnesota (192.675) at the Coaches Care Challenge Pink Meet. (Michigan Gymnastics, Minnesota Gymnastics)
Michigan State at Illinois - Women's Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1423475422_f2d78fe488a904d4a26378193582d8eb45867d83.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>The Fighting Illini women's gymnastics team fell to No. 22 Michigan State by a score of 194.750-194.425 Saturday night in front of 1,059 fans at Huff Hall. (Illinois Gymnastics, Michigan State Gymnastics)
Ohio State at Iowa - Women's Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1414306130_416f64071d0198536e84bddac86208428b7e6e61.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Ann Kreiter of the Big Ten Women's Show brings you highlights of the gymnastics action between Ohio State and Iowa. (Ohio State Gymnastics, Iowa Gymnastics)
Illinois at Iowa - Women's Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1395221459_0fdf1d897826f0127f6bac8c8c251df4b05d2090.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>The No. 22 Fighting Illini Women's Gymnastics team defeated No. 25 Iowa on the road Friday night by a score of 193.650-192.975. (Illinois Gymnastics, Iowa Gymnastics)
Michigan State at Michigan - Women's Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1395221457_576abfca0c03d38ad69bf0870cf4ad26af930437.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>The sixth-ranked Wolverines put up their highest score since last season against the Spartans in a 196.750-194.550 victory over No. 24 Michigan State. (Michigan State Gymnastics, Michigan Gymnastics)
Michigan at Penn State - Women's Gymnastics Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1386385995_db12c4742c6a204b1e9dec0344f0bc827be1525a.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Big Ten competition got underway with a battle between Michigan and Penn State. No. 6 Michigan held on for a 195.275-195.100 victory over No. 14 Penn State. (Michigan Gymnastics, Penn State Gymnastics)
Windy City Invitational Highlights
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1377954615_75c6dd0e66d8f329921c6c668718c5dce8d12f24.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Highlights from the Windy City Invitational, where Illinois took second.
Coach Golder talks Windy City Invitational
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1377954504_f5db2f9dcb0b78293db1171b3b610f6408b67612.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Michigan gymnastics coach Kurt Golder talks abotu Michigan's season so far and their performance at the Windy City Invitational.
Coach Hayasaki on Windy City Invitational
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1377937249_ab732c872671ed352b7571e0f965aa897b4e5272.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Illinois coach Yoshi Hayasaki talks about his team's performance at the Windy City Invitational and looks ahead to conference action.
Lindsey Bruck on Michigan Gymnastics
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1377922815_663fb6a5cc36642d0cadbb3ea302d985c9e4076c.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Lindsey Bruck talks Wolverine gymnastics with Ann Kreiter.
Caray Fagan Talks OSU Gymnastics
<img src="http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d5/unsecured/media/1079018831/1079018831_1377922812_242c44f22a898681de70c4b135f27f5da4a422c0.jpg?pubId=1079018831"/>Ohio State's women's gymnastics coach Caray Fagan talks with the Big Ten Women's Show about her team's season so far, including a big win over Maryland.
andpotential suicide. How do I know these things? Because my family was a casualty inthis war of pandemonium with a pressurized adolescent deeplycommitted to a highly competitive endeavor. We lived thenightmare many parents would like to avoid. I’m going to ask you some questions. Think about them for amoment and answer them honestly: 1. How do some youngsters cope with the pressures they sustainfrom performance activities? 2. What are their deepest, darkest, fears? 3. What are some of the methods they may employ when dealingwith their mounting adolescent insecurities? 4. Why do some talented kids feel like failures, regardless oftheir successes? 5. Have you ever considered that their rebellion, inappropriatebehavior, and negative acting-out may stem from the pressures toperform? 6. Could the rage they exhibit be only symptomatic of a deeperfrustration youngsters endure? If you were able to answer any of these questions due to yourinsider knowledge of what I’m referring to; Bravo! You’reamongst a handful of enlightened parents that understand thisnew age dilemma. You’re fully aware of the negativerepercussions that a family can encounter when an adolescent isconfronted by the mounting pressures of performance activities.You’re part of a select group of parents that realize thetoday’s youngsters face personal challenges and societal issuesthat past generations rarely needed to address. A case in pointwould be the rise in eating disorders amongst girls inperformance activities such as gymnastics, dance, and swimming. It is estimated that up to sixty-two percent of females whoparticipate in “appearance sports” such as gymnastics, figureskating, dancing, and diving are suffering from an active eatingdisorder. World-class gymnast Christy Henrich died after herstruggle with anorexia and bulimia. In the late 1980s, Christywas 4’10”, weighing ninety pounds. After one of hercompetitions, she was told by a US judge that sheneeded to lose weight if she hoped to make the 1988 Olympicteam. In 1994, she died of multiple organ failure at twenty-two,weighing less than sixty pounds. Lea Thompson, from the hit TV sitcom Caroline in the City,commented on eating disorders in the dance world today,recalling that during her days as a dancer, she was told by atheatre company that at 5’5” tall and ninety-six pounds, she wastoo “stocky” to be considered. If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, please visit mywebsite at http://www.easytodownload.com/blind_eye_info.htm tofind out more. And, don’t think for a minute that girls areexclusive to the pressures from performance activities. Here isa sampling of one heartfelt letter I received from one of myreaders. Dear Karen, “My fifteen year old son was a star goalie on thelocal hockey team. Between the screaming insults by the parentsin the stands and the inexcusable yelling by the coaches, my kidfelt like a failure most of the time. After reading your book, alight went on in my head and I sat him down for a fatherly talk.I was stunned to discover how badly he felt about losing a"game" and letting his mother and me down. What I thought wasjust a little healthy competition was really tearing this kid upinside. Talk about a reality check. Needless to say, we followedyour advice and gave him the choice to stay in or get out. Hechose to stay, but with a very different attitude. Now, he'sdoing this for himself, not for us or anyone else. Thanks abunch for setting me straight.” Bill Fort Myers, Texas I know that the subject matter in this article is a tough one toswallow; nevertheless, I also know that it’s important that youlearn the truth about this modern day misconception. As the mother of a stressed-out high achiever who spent nineyears in highly competitive professional dance institutions, Iconsider myself an authority on this subject. As an unsuspecting(and well-intentioned)) parent, I was unaware that thecombination of adolescent instability and the pressures withinthe dance environment sparked a ticking time-bomb with myvolatile daughter as the detonator. I found it discomforting toconsider that I may have unconsciously contributed to pushingthe explosive button. The world of competitive activities is not all that it’s crackedup to be and “success at all cost” may be too high a price topay for undermining the psychological well-being ofimpressionable teens. What happened to us can happen to any well-intentioned familywith children who are pushed to perform in academics, the arts,or athletics
About the author:A native of Boston, Massachusetts, this distinguished authorwrites under the pen name, Karen Montgomery. She has writtennumerous fictional short stories and articles during her tenyear career as a freelance writer. "Turn A Blind Eye" is Ms.Montgomery's premier non-fiction book. Karen now lives with herfamily in a suburb outside of Toronto. For a preview of herlatest book/ http://www.easytodownload.com/blind_eye_info.htm
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