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Which Came First, Love Or Marriage?
By Keishia Lee-Louis, Sat Dec 10th
I came across an article today: LOVE AND MARRIAGE THE TORAH'SCRITERIA by Rivka Olenick. It helped me think about my own marriage, and the way that manycouples approach the idea of being together before they getmarried vs. what they think after the wedding. People oftenbelieve they know what love is after seeing a limited view oftheir spouse-to-be. When they're asked, “why do you guys want to get married?” Theysay, "I just love the way he [fill in the blank]." or "She and Ihave so much in common".
But when a real test comes, like always having to pick her socksor dealing with his less than average meals (sic), both partiesbecome greatly disenchanted. After they have the opportunity todiscover more about the other person, the "love" fades andresentment moves in. So what does it take to make it work? Of the happy couples I’vetalked with, most attribute their happiness to the real lovethat grows after marriage. Often times it’s not a pretty love.Partners may have to get dirty, like gardeners who expect goodthings to grow after they've done the work and have overcometheir selfishness. This kind of love grows when they lose a loved one but can findcomfort from God and each other during their grief. It’s thekind of love that develops when they are in danger of losingtheir house or job, but can see beyond their circumstances. Orit’s the kind that matures when they’re able to overcomeadultery
and find forgiveness not only heals, but seals theirbond to one another. This love is not an overnight love. It doesn’t come quick, andit is a challenge for our microwave society. But these coupleskeep pressing on, believing that happiness can be achieved.Fortunately, for most persevering couples, it is. For all those people out there who are engaged or thinking aboutmarriage, my suggestion to you? Find one of these couples whocan be trusted. Model them and let them mentor you. If you don’tknow someone personally, email couples@marriagementors.org tofind out how to get help with your relationship. Finally, I'd like to leave you with this thought from thearticle I read: "...marriages are contracted not as a result of passion andromance, but as a result of good judgment and sound reason. Ifthe couple is well suited, the marriage will result in love andhappiness. Marriages based on pre-marital infatuation, however,all too often fail the test of married life." Keep your faith during the hard times. Keep your head when youwant to lose it. And your heart will believe in a love greaterthan you can imagine. About the author:Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor/Publisher of http://www.Married4Good.com (November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com,BibleResourceCenter.com, and in many other publications. Currently, she's writing a book on marriage, which will bepublished in 2006. If you'd like to see more of her work, visithttp://married4good.blogspot.com
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