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Why Would Anyone Do That In My Meeting?
By Steve Kaye, Sat Dec 10th
Imagine that you open a meeting by saying, "We need to talkabout the budget." And someone responds with, "I named my Budget becauseeveryone tells me he's too big." After the laughter subsides, you wonder why anyone would makesuch a silly remark in your meeting.
And this leads to a larger question: Why would anyone misbehavein a meeting? Taken to the extreme, misbehavior can ruin ameeting. That wastes everyone's time and squanders theopportunity to produce useful results. Here are some possibilities. 1) They're uninformed Many people do not know how to plan, conduct, or participate ina meeting. They think that gathering people in a conference roomrepresents holding a meeting. They believe that planning isunnecessary because they expect everyone to arrive with a commonagenda. They think that hosting a discussion actually leads touseful results. These well-meaning attempts at holding a meetingare so counterproductive that they can appear to be misbehavior.In addition, a bad meeting irritates others, causing them toretaliate with misbehavior. Better: Show people how to plan and conduct meetings. Teach themhow to use process tools that help people make methodicalprogress toward results. Schedule a workshop that shows peoplehow to plan and lead meetings. (Call me to talk about myoutstanding workshop.) 2) They're bored. Many meetings occur with a few people talking while the restwatch. When this happens, the quiet participants entertainthemselves by daydreaming, starting side conversations, orworking on other tasks (such as preparing lists of things to doonce the meeting finally ends). People with extensive experiencein bad meetings have learned how to feign credible interestwhile being mentally absent. Better: Plan activities that involve everyone. Avoid relying ondiscussion for your meeting because it allows the more vocalattendees to dominate. 3) They're mad. People can be mad for many reasons, such as they feel trapped inan unplanned meeting or they disagree with the results beingobtained. They could also feel mad if others are preventing themfrom participating. People know that a meeting without an agenda will waste theirtime, and they resent this. For example, a man once told me thathe and his friends would "sandbag" any meeting that was
calledwithout an agenda. They made inappropriate comments, introduceddistracting considerations, and asked pointless questions. Ofcourse, they acted with such professional sincerity that itseemed that they were being productive instead of disruptive. Better: Always prepare an agenda. Always contact keyparticipants before the meeting to explain their role and tocheck if they are prepared for the meeting. 4) They disagree Meetings are an excellent activity to resolve disagreements.However, if people disagree with the issue, the process, or theresults AND are unable to exert influence, they will rebel. Thisrebellion will appear as misbehavior in the meeting or (worse)sabotage after the meeting. Better: Use process tools in the meeting that involve all of theparticipants. Always contact key participants before holding ameeting on a controversial issue. Use these conversations tolisten to their views, explain the goals for the meeting, andpromote your intent for a fair resolution. Make sure that youseek a "Both/And" result instead of an "Either/Or" result sothat everyone gets what they need. 5) They misunderstand Sometimes people misunderstand expectations. For example, anexecutive was surprised by the negative comments, ridicule, andhostility that occurred during his first staff meeting with anew group. After some investigation, he learned that hispredecessor openly criticized and ridiculed people. Thus, thiswas the behavior that the staff had learned to emulate. Theexecutive fixed this by a) stating new expectations, b) coachingkey offenders, and c) setting an example of respectful conduct. Better: Cultural management is a primary leadershipresponsibility. Demonstrate the type of behavior that you wantfor productive meetings and provide private corrective feedbackto those who misbehave. An effective meeting is a team activity conducted by a fairprocess that involves everyone. People respect this approach andwill make positive contributions because they know that such ameeting represents a good use of their time. About the author:IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kayehelps groups of people hold effective meetings. His innovativeworkshops have informed and inspired people nationwide. Hisfacilitation produces results that people will support. Sign upfor his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com. Call714-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages ofvaluable ideas.
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