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Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-mart?
By Allie Ochs, Sat Dec 10th
It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientistshave made it their life’s work focusing on the genderdifferences. In our male-dominated society it is no coincidencethat men have undertaken the bulk of this work. They made aneffort to help men and women get along, but deep down the sexesare much more alike than the world cares to admit. Today, most believe that men and women are significantlydifferent in every respect. The focus on these differences hasdivided men and women, instead of bringing them closer together.More importantly, it discourages both sexes to grow and unify ona human level. Still viewed as the inferior sex, women feel compelled to assumeutopian attributes such as nurturing to the extreme and givingto the point of running empty. Women are expected to live up tothe expectations of their families, employers and society. Toadd to their burden, they ought to stay slim, sexy, attractive,loving, caring and emotionally balanced. In their attempts tomeet these expectations, many women lose their identities,values, self-worth and even their minds.
In contrast, the “superior” male sex has been praised for itsWal-Mart attributes of being realistic, practical, efficient andlogical. Consequently, men still run the country, hold most ofthe assets and control the majority of public and economicaffairs. Yet, men experience their own stress in a competitiveworld that expects them to be the pillar of their families. Manymen are still programmed to be the sole economic provider intheir families and suffer their own anxieties. Feeling thepressure of maintaining an affluent lifestyle or even justmaking ends meet, many become workaholics, grow bellies, losetheir hair and become candidates for heart attacks. Both men andwomen alike experience stress trying to be super-humans in asociety in which they feel they never quite “cut it.” Preoccupation with the differences often prevents men and womenfrom asking each other for help. Consequently, both suffersilently through their own pain blaming each other for theirdifferences and lack of understanding: “Men are never this” and“Women are always that.” As a result of the generalization oftheir differences, men “shut down” and women turn to friends,therapy or medication. The outcomes are unfulfilling,frustrating relationships that increase stress or even lead todivorce. Consequently, we wonder whether men failed women, orvice versa. So much effort and money has been spent (and made) onexaggerating emotional, intellectual and communicativedifferences between the sexes that we indeed believe ourselvesto be from different planets. We must look beyond thedifferences and realize that women cannot live without Wal-Mart,nor can men live without utopia. Women need Wal-Mart for thepractical, logical and task-oriented aspects of their lives and,in fact, may be shopping at Wal-Mart more often than men. On theother hand, men need utopia
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Forum: Divorce
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Post Time: 12-04-2008 at 11:30 PM
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Forum: Divorce
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Post Time: 12-04-2008 at 01:06 PM
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Forum: Divorce
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Post Time: 12-04-2008 at 11:11 AM
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Forum: Divorce
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Post Time: 11-30-2008 at 09:06 PM
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Post Time: 11-30-2008 at 01:31 PM
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Post Time: 11-30-2008 at 12:51 PM
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to experience all the beauty andhumanity of life, and are visiting utopia more frequently thanthey admit. We are all from the same planet. It is about time webridged the gap between the sexes and realized that we are humanbeings with many of the same needs, desires, dreams and hopes. Whatever the case may have been in hunting-and-gatheringsocieties of the past, today we are all hunting for the samethings. Men and women alike are hunting for love, happiness,validation and prosperity, and are gathering whatever they feelis necessary to achieve this. Now, more than at any other time,men and women need each other in the pursuit of these commongoals. Do we really think that investing in gender stereotypingencourages successful relationships? Today, both sexes seek tobe loved and accepted, instead of being labeled. Do we reallythink that lovers connect, because they have figured out theirgender differences? Love flourishes when both move beyond genderdifferences and rejoice in their commonalities. True love isbased on mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticityall of which promote the human potential of both sexes and allowfor interaction without judgment. Men and women are indeed living as if they are from differentplanets and often do not connect intimately as human beings.Gender differences have been analyzed to death, and we may neverbe able to understand a man or woman. However, we will always beable to understand and respect a human being once we realizethat we are all human beings first and men or women second.Inside each of us, men and women alike, lies a vulnerable soul,the desire to love and be loved, the need to be validated,respected and to feel important. Regardless of gender, deep downwe all have a fragile ego that often feels inferior. Recognizingthat both sexes have many of the same vulnerabilities andstrengths is the key to men and women relating to one another ona human level. We need to free each other from the gender roles that societyhas cast upon us and start focusing on the ties that bind us.The commonalities between men and women are so much greater thantheir differences. As we change our attitudes towards eachother, we will be able to relate to one another on commonground. Lasting love is only possible when we appreciate thatour focus on gender differences has been of great disservice.For any relationship to become a stable and lasting anchor inour lives, we must learn to give up our pride and unrealisticexpectations of each other. If we are to find true love in thismisunderstood world of males and females, we must stop trying tofigure out the opposite gender and focus on the human beinginside.
About the author:© 2005 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and theAuthor of “Are You Fit To Love?” ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Herarticles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters.She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to takethe Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at www.fit2love.com. ForFREE relationship/dating advice e-mail: askallie@fit2love.com
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