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The Role Self-love Plays In Operating A Successful Business,
By Harvey Rosenberg, Mon Jan 2nd
When I first married, right before the ceremony, I said tomyself: "This is either the best thing I've ever done or theworst." I had so many drugs and hallucinogenics running throughmy blood stream, I couldn't think clearly. Yet shortly after the marriage, a friend said to me: "You canonly love another to the extent you love yourself. If you don'tlove yourself, you'll never be happy." My ears heard her words but my heart heard nothing. Her pearlsof wisdom flew over my head, escaping into the ethers. They hadno chance to sink in, my low self-esteem made sure of that. Ittook me more than twenty years to act upon her advice.
To be able to listen to your heart, to be able to live a happylife, to be successful in business, you must be committed toloving yourself and accepting yourself for who you are at thispresent moment. This article describes the crucial role self-love playsin your life, in your happiness, in all your affairs. It is thefoundation to all successful transformation. You'll discoverthat your self-love determines your worldview. Your self-loveinteracts with every aspect of living, ultimately determiningyour level of happiness at home, and as importantly, in yourbusiness. We're Operating with an Out-Dated Definition of Self-Love The Encarta World English Dictionary makes a big mistake,perhaps catastrophic, when they define self-love. Theirdefinition of self-love is "concern with only your own wishesand desires." Further, there are no synonyms forself-love. Maybe this is why so many of us have such a difficult timeloving ourselves. Parents, church elders, teachers, educators,people who train others all might be living with an unworkabledefinition of self-love. How useful is a definition that makes people feel guilty aboutthemselves by stressing "concern with only your own wishes?" Your heart is always telling you what it needs to feelsatisfied, content, at peace. These messages have nothing to dowith the instant gratification needs we usually respond to thatare harmful and self-destructive. Don't we have to trust our intuition when it comes to business? How often do we follow our heart and get rewarded for making theright business decision? Only people who love themselves enoughto trust their intuition get these rewards! When you listen to your heart and follow the quiet messages itsends, you feel a deep sense of peace. Wholeness, balance, peacefulness were totally absent from myearly life. I spent the first thirty-nine yearsself-destructing, seeking instant gratification through alcohol,drugs, gambling, being a bulimic, stealing, excessive moving,and starting and failing too many businesses to recall. I remember vividly getting drunk at age twelve, fallingface-first on a tar driveway, then alternating between bedroomand bathroom as I puked my guts out for four days. Later in life, I would find myself staring at my reflection inthe toilet bowl through gobs of chocolate ice cream I had thrownup after eating a gallon because stuffing my feelings seemedeasier than facing my fears. It wasn't until I became totally desperate, in deep depression,with excessively low self-esteem that I began listening more tomy heart's crying out than my mind's dictates. When I began to make my life precious through daily doses ofself-love, I embarked on a life-long journey that hastransformed me. I now live a peaceful, heart- centered, rich andrewarding inner and outer life full of simple pleasures. I canhonestly say I am happy and successful. If I can change and live with no alcohol for twenty-two plusyears, drug-free for twenty-two plus years, no gambling orstealing for twenty-five years, no bulimia for fifteen years,and increasingly higher and higher self-love, so can you. How to Leap Frog Life's Dung Heaps to Live with HealthySelf-Esteem and Be Happy People
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whose lives have significant meaning live with attitudes,habits, and values that free them from letting fear rule. Thesepeople consciously choose where they focus their attention,whether it's in the thoughts they think, the actions they carryout, or the energies they put into the world. They have become what I call "thought warriors", nolonger being thought wimps. Daily they grace themselves withgratefulness, patience, and persistence, while striving toaccept life's gifts. Few of these high self-lovers had the good fortune of beingraised by parents who lived these patterns. Most have had toreach deep down within themselves to make the changes necessaryfor deepening self-love. They work at maintaining the happiness, joy, and peace thatcomes from loving themselves. They have learned that the effectsare cumulative, yet when they slack off, they quickly fall intoformer states of low self-esteem, self-abuse, and depression. However, the longer they journey, the quicker they return todoing or being in ways that bring them to what their hearts mostyearn for. For all of us, including me, it takes effort and commitment tolove ourselves. I've trained myself to incorporate new habits.These strengthen my total self and give me the energy I need toreach for the stars so I can live the life I have dreamed about. The more fulfilled my heart, the more contentment dwells withinme. It is then easier to be grateful for life's "gifts" thatpotentially can throw one into the dung. The dung is where lowself-esteemers hang, and once you escape this, it's painful toreturn. Can you see how loving yourself affects your interactions withprospective customers? Do you know that some of us can tell in less than 10 seconds howyou're feeling by your voice when you answer the phone? Is it possible and wise to develop a long term businessrelationship with someone who hasn't developed a long termloving relationship with herself? How Self-Love and Self-Esteem Relate The relationship between self-love and self-esteem is crucial toyour well-being, happiness, and business success. Think ofself-love and self-esteem as cousins, brothers, uncles, bestfriends, even husband and wife. Here's why. When you love yourself, you take care of yourself andyour needs. You take responsibility for making your lifesuccessful. You take care of your basic needs first. Then, ifyou're motivated, you go after more of what your heart trulywants. Let's look at part of a definition of self-esteem by "the fatherof the self-esteem movement" Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.Self-esteem includes "confidence in your ability to thinkand to cope with the basic challenges of life." (p. viii, ThePower of Self-Esteem). The second half of his definition begins with "confidence in ourright to be happy." We become increasingly happier whenour needs are met, especially those of a higher nature, thosethat satisfy soul and spirit. Operating and running a successful business satisfy your souland spirit if you put love and service into your business. As wedeepen our self-love, we have more to give to others. Remember,we can't give to another what we don't possess ourselves. Yet, if self-love is so crucial to building a healthyself-esteem and helping us to be happy, what prevents more of usfrom deepening our self-love? What keeps so many of us stuck in painful, hurtful, sad sceneswhere happiness is merely a passing dream? You'll find the answers in The Role Self-Love Plays inOperating a Successful Business, Part 2! About the author:Harvey Rosenberg is a happy self-lover with a healthyself-esteem. He has transformed himself from being the king ofself-destruction to the apprentice of joy the past 6 years. As aPersonal Development Coach he authored a highly acclaimedself-help book HeartMinders. To accelerate personalgrowth, visit Writing for Self-Esteem. Results Guaranteed.
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