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Seven Valentine's Day Tips For Spouses In "less-than-perfect"
By Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., Sat Dec 10th
Valentine’s Day can be a depressing day when you’re in anunhappy or shaky marriage. In every store or advertisement yousee romantic cards, heart-shaped boxes of candy, or selectjewelry for the special lover’s day. Restaurants publish their special menus in advance and give fooditems names such as “lover’s delight dessert.” Radiostations sponsor contests focused around the theme ofValentine’s Day, and newspapers run pictures and stories aboutspouses with long marriages. Everywhere you turn, you arebombarded with pictures and stories of happy lovers. What can you do to survive Valentine’s Day when you are worriedsick that your marriage is on the rocks? How do you deal withall the love hoopla when your spouse doesn’t know if he or shereally loves you or wants to stay married?
The following seven tips will help you to keep your perspectiveand sanity: 1. Be your own valentine this year and celebrate the wonderfulperson that you are. Make an appointment to have a massage orpedicure on Valentine’s Day as a present to yourself. Or makeplans with a friend to dine at a gourmet restaurant either onValentine’s Day or the day before. Buy yourself a new CD or bookthat you’ve been wanting. Leave work early, if possible, and dosomething fun such as going to a movie in the middle of the workafternoon. 2. Make a commitment to love yourself and to treat yourself withcare and respect. Resolve to take good care of yourself byexercising, eating right, taking time to relax and see friends,and getting enough rest. Throw any martyr tendencies out thewindow and make your health and wellbeing a top priority. Thisis not being selfish. If you don’t nurture yourself first, youwon’t be in any shape to give quality energy and time to yourmarriage. 3. Commit to being okay no matter what happens in your marriage.It’s essential that you make yourself a promise that you’ll havea quality life with or without your spouse. By showing respectfor yourself and belief in your ability to thrive whethermarried or not, you’ll be coming from a place of empowerment andstrength. The attributes of personal strength and confidenceattract others and engender respect, making you a more desirablepartner. 4. Accept uncertainty and see it as an opportunity to flex yourfaith muscles,
build resiliency, and develop the discipline tolive in the present moment as much as possible. With practice,you can learn to curb your tendency to worry about the futureand can expand more of your energy into making the most of thetime you have now. Everyone has periods of time when everythingis up in the air and how things will turn out is unknown. And aspoet Walt Whitman reminds us, “The future is no more uncertainthan the present.” 5. Practice having fun, even when you’re feeling miserable!Don’t wait until your life is perfect to plan fun activities. Dosomething that you’ve wanted to do but have put off. You mighthave said to yourself, “One day I’m going to take pianolessons.” Now is the time to get started. Make a list of thingsthat you’d enjoy doing and pick one to put on your schedule. Oneof the biggest mistakes you can make is to wait and see whathappens in your marriage before you take steps to create a moresatisfying life. The time to start enjoying life is now. 6. Expand your support circle. Stay in touch with your friends,even though your first impulse may be to withdraw when you’refeeling blue. Look for ways to increase your contact with otherssuch as taking a night class, going hiking with a local hikinggroup, or attending services at your church, synagogue, ormosque. Don’t let fear of questions keep you at home. You can bediscrete and give a response such as, “I can’t get into it, butI appreciate your caring and concern so very much. Thank you.” 7. Find your strong woman or strong man warrior energy. Gorappelling, learn to scuba dive, ride in a hot air balloon, trypara-sailing, plan a backpacking trip, go horseback riding, liftweights, explore river rafting, dance around a campfire, singpowerful songs, or sign up for a martial arts class. Do whateverempowers you and make you feel strong and energetic. Stretch outof your comfort zone and surprise yourself by doing somethingdifferent. Then congratulate yourself for your spunk. Tips adapted from the book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do WhenYour Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” by Nancy J. Wasson,Ph.D. and Lee Hefner. Available only athttp://www.KeepYourMarriage.com.
About the author:Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: Whatto Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!"Available only at http://www.Keep Your Marriage.com. Nancy canbe contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
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