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Drive Away Your Divorce Blues – Go Dating By James Walsh This statement describes the two key criteria that are required to help regain your life, after a divorce.
The first is that you will have to put in an effort to forcibly lift your life back to normalcy. The second inference is – life is going to carry on around you, irrespective of whether you try to restore your life or not.
Dating helps you in rediscovering the joy of companionship, without getting into the uncertainty of a deep relationship. It helps reassure you about your ability to carry on with life without the extra baggage of a negative marriage, at least for some time. You can be comforted by the fact that you are desirable.
Wait; don’t rush headlong into dating, just after your divorce! Divorce, due to an abusive marriage, cannot heal the wounds of abuse in a short time. Then there is the divorce, where the spouse is a nice person, but you have certain notions about how you want your married life to be. Do you want to hurt your ex-partner by beginning your dating, even before the ink has dried on the divorce paper? What about your child or children? Does it not send the wrong signals to them that you were in a hurry to get rid of them and start dating someone again? What about the situation, where the financial terms are yet to be fully agreed upon. Can you antagonize your spouse?
Settle your divorce process completely, before beginning to date. Take time to convince everyone concerned and yourself, that there is no heartburn and that the divorce was an unavoidable event for the benefit of everyone concerned. Do the things that you wanted to. Gain your confidence levels. Establish a routine and allocate a portion of it to your former family. Grasp the fact that you are single and will largely have to depend on your own wits and strength, to move forward in your life. You learn to emotionally disengage yourself from the happenings of your former family, without the guilt. You also understand that they will also do just as fine, without your help. It does not matter when you begin dating, after divorce. You could begin dating three months after divorce or even after six months. But it does matter that, before you begin dating, you should evaluate your confidence levels about being single again and not be negatively conscious about your tag of ‘married divorced person’.
Blind dates or casual
dates are generally not advisable, if you have been through a recent divorce. While you are focussed on what you want out of the dating experience i.e. to feel normal again or to put your divorce behind you, your dating partner may be more interested in taking advantage of your situation for financial, physical reasons or may be interested in forging a permanent relationship. The least problems are posed by dating someone you know or getting to date someone whom your close circle of friends or relatives know or recommend. For the dating process to have a healing effect, it is better to let the other person know beforehand, your reasons for dating i.e. to be an independent person.
To increase the margin of safety and to ensure that dating achieves your goal, go in for community events or events that focus on your interests. Go for the Sunday game with a date you know, who shares a similar craze for the game. This ensures that you get to do something you love doing and you are likely to meet partners who are similar minded or share your interest. You get the opportunity to see up close and reassure your instincts about the date. You can also actively participate in informal get-togethers.
After the days of ‘Pen friends’ or ‘Lonely hearts’ columns, modern technology has ushered in the quick convenience of reliable online dating. You can choose to have a date with a person whom you know about, because most of the online dating services provide crucial details about the prospective dating partner. You get to know something about the person, before you decide on dating. However, it is in your best interests to take a few precautions like not divulging your address or contact phone number or the place of work etc, to a person whom you have not met. Always let your friends or relatives know certain vital details about the identity or the address of the date, as a safety line, in case you are meeting an unknown person.
Go dating, sensibly. There is life after divorce.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com
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