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Survival Guide To The Year After Divorce: A Male Perspective
By James Walsh
The truth, however, may not be as simple as that. The man is as strongly affected by all that has happened as his female counterparts. He too is unable to escape the pain involved in divorce proceedings, unscathed. He too requires emotional succour to help him overcome his grief.
The most unfortunate part for a man is that everyone expects him to simply grin and bear the consequences. People tend to forget that a man is also a human being. That he too entered into matrimony with stars in his eyes and with the end of his marriage even his dreams have been shattered to smithereens.
A man out of a divorce may be a very highly confused individual. He may not know or understand why it had to happen in his case. He may have been a good husband and a good father, yet to lose everything that he cherished, may be beyond his ability to comprehend.
Just out of divorce, hurting within, having his whole life turned upside down, he has none to fall back upon. There may be no one to truly share his grief with. None, who may understand the ocean of emotions sweeping across his, shattered self.
The predicament of the man is indeed greater than that of the woman. In a divorce he, generally, gets to lose all that is dear to his heart. First of all he loses his wife, whom he may have loved dearly. Next he gets to lose his children, to whom he may have been an excellent father. To top it all he may even have to move out of the marital home, for which the payments may have been made entirely by him.
In such circumstance the man is bound to feel as if he has been cheated in some manner or the other. He is bound to have a lot of bitterness in his heart not only for his ex spouse but also for the legal system and maybe even the society in general, whom he may blame for his predicaments in this regard.
The top most priority for the man will be to arrange for a suitable for his own self. This may be a dicey thing. With the marital home having gone to the wife and with all the burden of alimony and child support etc; his finances may
also be in doldrums.
He may have to take help from a close relative or a close friend in the initial stages and then look for a bachelor pad or something similar. Only after he has ensured a roof over his head can he devout his self to any other issue.
The next problem staring at his face will be a toned down lifestyle. In order to reach his previous position he may have to work extra long hours in a double shift or take up two jobs simultaneously. This may be difficult but will nevertheless be helpful also. Keeping himself immersed in work will keep his mind occupied and thus give him little if any time at all, to fret over what has happened.
Then is the issue that will be cutting across his heart. The issue is of his children. From a regular dad, he has turned into a once a week father. He has to shower all his love and care on the children during the dismally small time period of visitation rights.
It is most important that this time period be availed of to the maximum possible extent. It may be short, but nothing can stop it from becoming sweet. If the time is well spent then it may be possible to not just retain the older ties but to even enhance the bond between the father and his children.
Throughout this time period the man has to recover from his life and rebuild it from the debris of the past. In order to do so he will first of all have to accept the finality of divorce. He has to accept that an era has ended in his life and a fresh one has begun.
In order to face the emotional scars he will have to face them head on. The best way will be to let them be and allow time, the great healer to take its own course. Time can help one recover from the worst of scenarios. James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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